I don’t know for you, but for me the summer months, as wonderful as they are, they still pose challenges to my body image.
It seems there are so many ways in which negative thoughts about our body can be triggered.
But today, I thought I share a tip that can help others as well to get to the bottom of our negative body image.
First things first, we need to be reminded that triggers (e.g. clothes that feel too tight, putting on a bathing suit, people comments about our bodies, etc.) are not the real reason why we experience negative body image thoughts/days.
Triggers are events in the present moment that agitate a discomfort that is already there and perhaps was doormat for a little while.
Our body image is intertwined with our self-opinion and our self-image.
Our body image is the idea we hold about our physical body and is usually shaped in childhood and early adolescence as we become more aware of our bodies and as we have our first interactions with others as it pertains to our bodies.
Many of my clients, when we first start working together, will reference the first time someone made a critical comment of their bodies.
Some will talk about how they were put on a diet or on some version of fat camp.
I’ve heard many stories over the years and of course, I have my own still very vivid.
Being called chubby, big, fat, fluffy, ugly or simply receiving a suggestion that we need to cut down portions or eat different foods in an effort to change or control our bodies, will inform (at this very early age) that something is wrong and therefore our body shape and size needs to be altered.
If you’ve ever experienced something like this and find yourself triggered and then spiraling into negative body image moments, is important to visit these memories.
As adult women, we get the opportunity to re-assess and advocate for our younger selves with love, compassion and maturity.
When I think back to the day when that stranger made the comment I was chubby and should watch my portions (I was 12 years old and as a result of his comment, I woke up the next morning and put myself on my 1st and very restrictive diet for the rest of my summer days) I still wish that hadn’t happen.
However, today as a 44 year old woman, and still experiencing some challenging body image seasons, I can go back 32 years and assess the situation.
When I do this, there are 3 updated beliefs I have about that moment:
1. When I look at pictures of my 12 year old self I see a happy, bubbly, innocent girl who just wanted to have a good time. I don’t see the person this stranger said I was. I objectively see a girl whose body is developing in a very healthy way.
2. If I was in front of this person today and he made that comment again, I would have probably confronted instead of believing him. I’m not talking about replying in a harsh or aggressive way, but being who I am today, I would have stood up for myself even if that meant breaking my peace.
3. Regardless of what he said or how I felt, I would choose a different path forward. I would have told myself a truth I now know which is “I don’t need to be or look perfect to be worthy of love of acceptance”.
What I just shared with you is an example of how I coach myself through difficult moments with food and my body, which I will probably continue to experience just as most other women.
I could go on trying to change the way I look by cutting down calories, increasing exercise, shopping for clothes, make up, cellulite creams and anything else I could think of in order to change the way I look on the outside.
Or I could tend to the root of the issue and heal the memory.
When we focus on fixing the external, we are more vulnerable to the same issue over and over.
However, when we nurture ourselves deeply and tend to our hearts, it may take a few rounds but our chances of being set free are so much higher.
Which one will you try?
Sending LOTs of summer sunshine,
Pamela
PS: if you need some support navigating body image and food challenges, feel free to reach out
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